The Bossy One, the Gentle One, and the One Who Knows


At our house, love comes in three forms.

There’s Lewis—young, tender, and endlessly hopeful. There’s Harvey—bold, demanding, and just a little bit bossy. And then there’s Bear—the old soul, the heavyweight, the one who doesn’t need to raise his voice or even move much… because his presence alone carries the room.

Today’s photo caught one of those moments where it all played out in real time.

Lewis had started his “love routine.” He’s got it down to a science now: slow approach, soft eyes, tail wagging low and steady. Then comes the lean. That full-body press into your side, like he's saying, “I’m here. Are you?”

It’s sweet. Sincere. He doesn’t perform for love. He just asks for it.

And then—enter Harvey.

Harvey watches Lewis do his thing for maybe 15 seconds before deciding he’s had enough.

He swoops in, nudges his way right into the action, and starts replacing every bit of affection Lewis was getting with some of his own. If Lewis rests his paw on my lap, Harvey brings both. If Lewis lays his head on me, Harvey wedges his snout in like he’s changing the subject.

It’s not out of jealousy.

It’s not out of fear.

It’s pure Harvey. Confident. Pushy. Hilariously convinced that affection is a limited-time offer and he better get his share before it’s gone.

And I’ll admit—it cracks me up every time.

Because after a few minutes of this goofy dance, both boys end up satisfied. Lewis still gets his moment. Harvey gets his spotlight. Nobody's mad. Nobody’s left out. They’ve figured out, in their own way, how to take turns asking for love.

But the part that always gets me—always—is when Bear decides to join in.

He’ll be lying across the room like a furry mountain, watching these two act like toddlers fighting over a juice box. Then, without fanfare, he’ll rise. Walk over. And just… place his massive head right on top of the pile.

That’s it.

He doesn’t bark. Doesn’t growl. Doesn’t compete.

He just exists in the space—and suddenly, that space belongs to him.

And yet, somehow, everyone still fits.

Because Bear doesn’t take up room to crowd others out. He takes up room to let others settle down. There’s no performance with him. No push. No plea.

He knows he’s loved. And in that knowing, he makes room for everyone else to feel it too.

There’s a metaphor here, of course. Maybe several.

Because if you’ve ever been in a room with people—all of them just trying to feel seen—you know what this is.

Some of us ask for love like Lewis—gently, quietly, hoping we don’t ask for too much.

Some of us demand it like Harvey—full of fire, wanting to be sure we don’t get skipped or forgotten.

And some of us, if we’re lucky, have learned to be like Bear—rooted, relaxed, certain that we belong even before the love shows up.

But here’s what struck me today, as I watched it all unfold before my coffee had even cooled:

They all needed love.

Not one more than the other. Not one more deserving. Just… different in how they sought it.

And isn’t that the story of us?

Some of us grew up being told not to be “needy.” So now we apologize for asking for anything at all.

Some of us had to shout just to be noticed. So now we lead with volume, hoping someone hears us this time.

And some of us… have spent enough time with the right people—kind, steady, consistent people—that we finally believe we’re lovable even on our quiet days.

If this resonates—if it reminds you of a dynamic in your home, your family, your friend group—then maybe today’s the day to do two things:

1. Show grace to the ones asking for love differently than you do.


2. Practice receiving love in a way that feels honest to who you are.



Because the goal isn’t to be the softest or the loudest or even the most certain.

The goal is to stay in the room with each other long enough to figure it out together.

And if you’re lucky?

You’ll find someone like Bear. Or be someone like Bear.

Someone whose presence doesn’t demand love, but makes it easier for everyone else to feel safe enough to ask for it.

Thanks for being here. If this post made you laugh, think, or feel something deeper—share it. Someone else might need the reminder today that their way of asking for love is okay, too.

And hey—if you’re more of a Bear, maybe scoot over and let someone curl up next to you.

You just might be the reason they believe they’re worth loving.

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