We Got Murph. The Miz. And Yelich Too.
You had a lead.
Congrats.
You printed T-shirts.
Sent postcards.
Told your aunt in Schaumburg this was “the year.”
Adorable.
Then came the second half.
Like clockwork,
your bullpen collapsed,
your bats took a nap,
and Cubs Twitter hit DEFCON 4.
Meanwhile?
We got Murph.
The backup plan.
The guy who stepped in when Craig Counsell
jumped ship in the dead of night
like a man sneaking out on rent.
You thought that move was a flex.
Now he's pacing your dugout
watching Milwaukee win without him.
Oof.
We got The Miz.
Baby-faced fireballer
who throws like he's mad someone said the word “rebuild.”
One start in
and half your lineup needed a group hug.
We got Yelich.
That swing? Back.
That smile? Dangerous.
That OBP? Staring you down like
“Yeah, I’m still here, bud.”
And here's the kicker.
You lose one arm? It’s a crisis.
We lose one?
Another flamethrower appears out of the woods like a Pokémon.
It's called pitching development.
You should try it.
Your excuses haven’t changed since Bartman.
It’s always the roof. The lights. The shadows.
The bad vibes.
Buddy, the only curse left in baseball
is your lineup in the seventh inning.
And hey, thanks again for flooding our stadium.
Drank our beer.
Called it Wrigley North.
Then left in the sixth inning down by four
to beat traffic back to Illinois sadness.
You had a lead.
We had a plan.
You had a storyline.
We had a system.
You had nostalgia.
We had results.
We got Murph.
We got The Miz.
We got Yelich too.
And in case you’re still confused?
The W stands for whine.
All that and you still come off as a old worn out hooker, begging to somehow become relevant in a world that looks at you as if you're that worm that was crushed under a tire in the street.
ReplyDeleteIf I’m irrelevant, why are you sweating in my comment section like it’s Game 7?
DeleteYou reached deep for that insult and still came up empty.
Meanwhile, we’re tied at the top, built, not bought, and clearly living in your head without paying rent or parking.
#GoBrewers #StillHere #StillBotheringYou 🧀⚾
This might be the lamest thing i’ve ever read. All that talk but 0 rings. The true definitions of “rent-free” and “little brother”. The Cubs will be on top when it matters. They haven’t relied on opposing team errors, infield singles, and luck to win ball games.
ReplyDeleteLame”? You read every word, flinched, and still showed up in the comments.
DeleteThat’s not hate. That’s obsession.
One ring in 116 years.
Congrats—you unlocked legacy mode on beginner difficulty.
We’re tied today.
But you don’t comment like a man who feels safe.
You comment like someone who knows we’re coming.
Little brother?
You keep checking our room to make sure we’re not taking your spot.
#GoBrewers #BuiltNotBought #MindTheGap